Traditional Vietnamese wedding - Wikipedia
I was wondering what the dating culture in Vietnam amongst the youth is like. Is it still traditional where you must go meet the family before It's true that girls that never leave get married somewhat young, and demand more. With the decline of traditional arranged marriages in Vietnamese culture, men and women are being entrusted to find a suitable mate for. When it comes to love, many Vietnamese prefer the traditional methods of little "dating" going on, more and more city folk are waiting longer to get married.
But in recent years, many men and women are choosing to wait until their late 20s or mids before getting married, if they marry at all. Family Relationships Vietnamese culture is family-oriented: Festivals, holidays and even dating are seen as events in which the entire family can and should participate. Romance is not just a private act between two people, but an event involving both friends and kin.
Once both families have consented to the engagement, the couple visits each family, bringing gifts for the various members. Going Out If the parents consent to a relationship, the new couple goes on a low-key, public date like having coffee or driving around town, possibly accompanied by friends. The woman expresses her affection by accepting this. Engagement[ edit ] An engagement ceremony usually occurs half a year or so before the wedding.
In the past, most marriages were arranged by the parents or extended family, and while children were sometimes consulted, it was nearly always the parents' final decision.
It was not unusual for the bride and groom to meet for the first time at the day of their engagement. However, in the last few decades, Vietnamese women and men marry based on love rather than arranged marriages.
Vietnamese Dating Etiquette
The wedding[ edit ] Preparation for the traditional Vietnamese wedding begins with choosing a date and time for the marriage ceremony. This is decided by a Buddhist monk, Spiritual leader, or fortune teller due to the spiritual nature of the occasion.
This tradition may change if the family is Catholic. The wedding consists of an extensive set of ceremonies: Both Vietnamese and oversea-Vietnamese who desire to have a hybrid traditional Vietnamese and Western-style wedding will often incorporate the last two ceremonies with the Western-style wedding. At the end of the ceremonies, there is a wedding reception for the two families and guests. Asking permission to "receive" the bride[ edit ] Before the wedding day, the groom's family would make a trip to the bride's home with a gift of betel nuts to officially ask permission to receive the bride.
At this time, the bride's family would confirm the wedding and further proceedings would take place. In actuality, this now obsolete ceremony was used in the past to confirm—last minute—that the marriage would still take place.
Due to often forced arranged marriagessome brides fled from home into the country. Thus, this ceremony was more so used to confirm that the wedding would proceed. You must ask permission or else you won't be able to marry. If you ask, you will be welcomed with kind comfort, and a chance to receive your bride.
Receiving the bride at her house[ edit ] A Vietnamese country wedding Betel leaf with areca nut as traditional gifts On the day of the wedding, the procession of the groom's family is led in specific order.
The first person would be the representative of the groom's house followed by the groom's father, the groom, then the rest of his family and close friends. In the past, the groom's mother might not take part in the procession as a sign that she would not be a threat to the future bride; she would even "hide" for a short period upon the bride's welcoming to the groom's home. However, this practice has long been abandoned. The number of people participating in the groom's procession varies but is usually restricted to a smaller number 20 or so to make it easier on the bride's family, which must receive all the guests.
In the procession, the groom, his family and friends bear elaborately decorated lacquer boxes, covered in red cloth. Inside these boxes are gifts representing the wealth that the groom's family will bring to the bride's family.
Keep the first date at a platonic level, because the first date in Vietnamese culture is often a date accompanied by mutual friends. Avoid initiating physical contact whether you are a man or a woman, because Vietnamese culture looks down on premarital affection and public displays of affection. Playing hard-to-get is a tradition of Vietnamese women, and it is expected they do not show immediate interest in the man they are dating, to assure that his feelings are moral.
Asking permission in addition to presenting a gift to her parents is necessary to continue the relationship in Asian culture. Avoiding the girl's parents is considered a great act of disrespect and can result in losing a relationship. Arranged marriage is rarely practiced in modern Vietnam as ofbut it is still a tradition in some families. Waiting too long to express your intentions, as a man, can result in missing out in this type of situation.
Vietnamese women are expected to remain silent when it comes to arranging a marriage between her suitor and herself, whether it is a prearranged marriage or a result of a mutual courtship.
Vietnamese relationships pass in several stages, usually lasting for a long period of time. An engagement, for example, often lasts for several years and as far as marriage is concerned, it is viewed as a lifetime commitment. Often the starting point of a relationship is a friendly date. The couple will go out together in public places as friends only and will be accompanied by other friends. During this stage of courting there will be no public displays of affection, the man has to be discreet and friendly or he will be accused of being too arrogant.
It is too early for kissing or holding hands at this point. That is the second stage of Vietnamese courtship and now couples may go out together without the company of their friends. Again, the keyword here is "discreetly". A Vietnamese girl never shows her admirer that she is also in love with him immediately. Playing hard to get is one way by which the Asian can measure the sincerity of the man interested in her.
It also lets her show the man that he has to work hard to win her love. At this time they will inform their family and friends about their relationship. Every man who wants to be taken seriously by a Asian is obliged to visit her family and introduce himself formally to her parents. There is a tacit rule here that says: Following this rule will help you earn her respect by entrusting her family with high regard. If you have any questions regarding which traditions you should observe, you may discuss them with the older siblings.
More about this tradition and those following it you can find in our article "Vietnamese Wedding Customs". When courting a Vietnamese woman you will find that she is shy and reserved even when holding great feelings for you. This is a part of her culture and even for a Western man there is no way around that. You should treat your Asian with respect, lead the courtship with your heart and you may find a lifetime partner that will enrich your life as you have never imagined.
Asian women live in a culture focused on the community, with the family as the core social unit. Here faithfulness to the family is a tradition. If a man wants to be taken seriously by a woman, he has to visit the latter's family and introduce himself formally to the parents of the girl. It is rather inappropriate to court a woman and formalize the relationship without informing the parents of the girl.
Their desire is to make their parents' life easier. If you are capable and refuse to help support her family who may need help, she may not say anything, but she will neither respect you nor understand. Sometimes the family is more important than you. There is an Asia saying, that is accepted in Vietnam, "You can get another wife or husband but not another mother or father". This family loyalty is also apparent in the fact that Vietnamese families keep elderly such as grandparents instead of sending them to any institution.
They are so by choice and because of their cultural needs. When you marry one you marry the family at least the mother and the father, the siblings too usually. That is trite, indeed, but true. If you can't deal with that let it be known from the start of your relationship with your Asian. If she is a "true Asian", the relationship may not develop. If it does she may not be happy in it, but you will never know.
Sexuality in Vietnam is distinguished by a double standard that expects women to remain virgins until marriage while men are allowed to enjoy sexual freedom. Young women who lose their virginity before marriage, whether through rape or in a relationship, diminish their chances for a "good" marriage, while young men can "sow wild oats" with abandon and be even admired for being so "manly".
The culture and the family lets the girl know it is her responsibility to keep her virginity as soon as they are old enough to understand what virginity is. Vietnamese men are reluctant to marry a non-virgin even if they are the one who took the virginity! Vietnamese woman may not even be forgiven if she is raped.
Yes, this is extremely unfair but that is the way it is and the Asian girls know it. As far as courting is concerned, Asians are expected to be pakipot playing hard to get because it is seen as an appropriate behavior in a courtship dance. It is also one way by which the Asian will be able to measure the sincerity of her admirer. Unlike women, young men, on the other hand, are allowed to express their sexuality freely, and are sometimes initiated by fathers who take their sons to brothels for sexual intercourse with women.
Traditionally, in Asian families the husband is expected to be the main breadwinner, chiefly responsible for the financial sustenance of the family, and the wife is "queen of the home". Vietnamese ladies equate domestic responsibility with being a good wife. They put their family first and they are more willing to sacrifice their career than their family. The information one can gather about the beliefs and practices of young people regarding premarital relations and the role of sexuality are quite contradictory and are evidence that sex research is still underdeveloped in Vietnam.
For example, the Departments of Psychology and Sociology of Hanoi University conducted research in on the sexual relations of university and high school students in Hanoi Hoang Ba Thinh Yet, after graduating, only 8. Among those female students who had boyfriends, it was quite common for them to live together in the dormitories. A socially more acceptable figure was that only Young couples in Hanoi, even married couples, face great difficulty in finding a place for private encounters.
Everyday, the man goes to work early, while his partner spends most of her time on housework. The couple from northern Thai Binh province is trying to save money to buy a small flat. I can take care of him better, while he can spend more time on work.
Moreover, we will get married sooner or later," said Linh who has fine features and brown complexion of a traditional eastern woman.
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We were afraid of being teased by neighbors and friends. But, now I think there is nothing wrong with it," she said. They often rent cramped houses or deteriorated flats near universities and factories in Hanoi for life. Grammar makes clear how important marriage is in Vietnamese society. Proschan provides this example: Up to and through the French Colonial period, Vietnamese women were not regarded as nubile until about their 16th or 17th year.
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However, according to the Ly-Ky "The Book of Rites"girls might marry after 14 years and men at Any marriages prior to those ages were not accepted. In fact, many Vietnamese men believed that women were perfectly satisfied with something like a companionate marriage, which involved sufficient ardor to produce offspring, but was not complicated by passionate desire.
A hundred years earlier, Jacobus X. Marriage is for the Annamite a question of business and the procreation of descendants, rather than of sentimental love. On her side, the woman has not generally a very great affection for her husband, but concentrates all her love on her children.What to expect at a Vietnamese wedding: food & more
When polygyny lost its legal sanction, it nevertheless continued outside the law, and women in polygynous relationships lost the protections and rights that the older legal codes had afforded their predecessors - i. Indications are that extramarital heterosexual relations were frequent enough among married men that most people - male or female - assumed that they were the norm.
There were numerous available partners - female or male - for men whose wives "fail[ed] to provide proper attention and stimulation" Khuat Thu Hongas one researcher characterized the common rationale. Minh came to Vietnam with his family for the Tet lunar new year holiday and spent a number of days visiting Lua, said the police officer, who declined to be named.
His family stayed in their province of origin, 50 kilometers north of Ho Chi Minh city, but went to the city in the last week of January to tell their son to end the relationship. The man disobeyed his parents, and the two lovers drank a fatal dose of herbicide on Saturday afternoon and died two hours later in hospital.
Current wedding ceremony procedures are simpler, consisting primary of the marriage registration, pre-ceremony events, the wedding and the wedding party.